How Do You Have a Gift-Free Kid's Party?

[Daryn Kagan]

Hey, Gang:
I received this email from a mom in NJ today. What kind of suggestions can you give her? I bet our worldwide community has some great ideas!

Hi Daryn,

I'm hoping you can help me with my situation. I don't know you, but am familiar with you from Oprah Radio, and felt like you could point me in the right direction.

I'm planning my sons second birthday party and want to do a gift free party. I wanted to do it last year for his first, but my husband wasn't quite on board yet. This year, I'm just doing it because I feel strongly that it's just not necessary. Evan, my son, is fortunate enough to have a houseful of toys and I just don't need more stuff in my house that will eventually end up in a landfill. Furthermore, there are so many kids out there that need a gift more than Evan.

I'm looking for some ideas for what to write in the invitation. I've searched the internet and can't find any suggestions. I thought it would be a fantastic idea to have a web page with suggestions for parents on how to handle this touchy subject and give them ideas. I was thinking about including the link to tomsshoes.com, as one suggestion.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,
Heather Martin

[Daryn Kagan]

Here's how I replied to Heather:

Heather-
Thanks for checking in.

Just double checking: you want NO gifts? Or you would like a donation to a cause instead?
Is the invite on paper or email?

I've gone the "no gifts" route at my holiday parties for years. For printed invitations I've always said at the bottom, "Your presence is the only present I desire." For your son it could be, "Your child's presence is the only present Billy desires."
Because holidays or birthdays are wonderful reasons to celebrate, I do give folks direction. For instance, I support a home for medically fragile foster babies here in Atlanta. They have huge food and med bills, so I ask folks to pick up a gift card @ local grocery store or drug store. Do you know a simple Xmas party usually raises $2500+ in gift cards! I so much would rather do that than get a candle or bottle of wine."

For your son, you could pick a charity that kids understand, like a food bank or children's hospital. Oh, here's a cool one: Kid Flicks. Here's the story from my site:
You could ask folks to bring a kids' movie dvd and send them to the two sisters who run kidflicks.

Tell you what--I'll post this situation on our social online community and let folks from around the world weigh in.


and..
Happy Birthday to your son!

[Erin]

oh VERY cool letter to receive eh!?

If she's looking to collect donations (which seems to be the idea) then I suggest actually accepting children's gifts, new ones - for the kids at the local women's shelter - or for the children in the foster care system.

If she'd really rather not get STUFF - then I say set the laptop up at the door, set to a site like... let's see, arbor day, earth day... how about the "Nature Explore" donation page (they're a subsidiary of the Arbor Day Foundation http://www.arborday.org/shopping/donations/ordergeneral.cfm), and as guest arrive, they can donate in her son's name. He/they would be helping youngsters learn and appreciate nature, for a donation as small as $15.

[BD]

Along the same lines as the suggestions already given, we have been big animal supporters in this house. We asked kids/parents to bring used pet or household items from their homes or buy new things from pet stores...and then we donated them to an animal rescue group. It worked well because the rescue groups could use old towels, sheets and comforters, things people have in their closets, taking up space. People were happy to clear out old stuff and the various rescue groups were so grateful for the items. Displaying photos of the pets using their donated items is a great thing to include in the invitation either via pony express or email.

[Anna Diehl]

In his almost 9 years, it's never seemed to cross my kid's mind to actually buy a present for a birthday party. He always knows what he wants to give as a gift, and it's always some treasure of his own. And no - it's never been at my behest.

However, he was recently invited to a birthday party at the pool, and those invited were asked to bring a twoonie (our Canadian $2 coin) instead of a gift. I believe the birthday boy opted to donate the coins to kids in another country -

[Heidi]

I've heard a couple ideas on this front in addition to other ones already mentioned...

- ask each child to bring a book (blanket, stuffed animal, you name it) that can be donated to a local shelter for homeless children or someplace like Project Night Night http://www.projectnightnight.org/

- if you want a different approach to doing goody bags/party favors for the kids attending, ask each child to bring a wrapped book and do a book exchange at the party -- that way each child goes home with a useful party favor

[Heather Leigh Martin]

thanks everyone. Next year I will be a little more calculated in my efforts, but since I was running out of time, I gave a few different charity suggestions. Next year I'd like to target a specific cause and raise interest for that one group.

Daryn - I modified your line a little, but footnoted a reference to you/your site.

Thanks everyone, this was very helpful!