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[Erin]

Since losing 2 children to Congenital Heart Defects, I've made the choice to move forward, to move on, to do good things in the memories. I didn't make that choice because I'm strong, or special, or, god forbid, had any intentions of being "inspirational." I did it out of sheer survival. Waste away in the dark, or step into the light: those were my choices. And I'm afraid of the dark. So I did what I do, and do what I continue to do, because I don't know what else TO do.

Most days that works out pretty well for me. Then there are other days... 4 of them in particular, when it isn't quite that black and white. August 17th and 29th - the dates of Alexis' birth and death. December 2 - Nova's birthday. And today - April 6 - the date of Nova's death.

Today is the day I need desperately to find inspiration elsewhere. Thanks Daryn, and all of you, for providing this place and all the good stuff that's posted here.

[Erin]

BD, my goodness, I hate to think that I make others feel that their words and thoughts are inadequate, though I can understand what you're saying because I've felt the same thing in response to other people's blog posts here and in other places too.

I'm glad you commented though, it's always heartening to hear from others - I bet your trees are amazing. We moved a year ago, but in the house we lived in before that, I had planted this huge memorial garden over the 6 years before that. I would sit in it and reflect and relax and remember. I miss it. I've only planted a few things here in this yard, but I've realized that it's the planting that helps me to center. Bringing life and beauty to an area...

I'm babbling :) Thank you again for your comment.

[BD]

Your blogs are so powerful, I am left speechless. To never comment is an injustice to you, but entirely understandable because how can I support you? I form my thoughts and erase them because they absolutely do not express the depth of my compassion and respect for you. What good is that? Hence my awkward but sincere hand held out to you for thinking things through with your heart and your head ,to rise up and make the most of all the moments. I am so sick and tired of hearing about the rats in life and so feel the joy when a woman of your circumstances and caliber opens the doors to show us all a light. I think many more people would like to express their support / admiration of you but are rendered mute for fear of saying something inadequate.

In dealing with my own very sad life events, I have done as you, seeking to be pro-active for a worthy person or charity . I have also planted special trees on every piece of land I have ever owned. During the actual dates, which are so difficult to live through, I often find myself sitting quietly under some of the most magnificent trees in quiet contemplation. They are so awesome that most people who visit cannot help but comment on their exquisite beauty. When I hear the comments, I recall the memory of that person I so dearly loved and lost.

Thank you for sharing your soul. Your thoughts and actions have helped many cope with their own broken hearts.

[Erin]

Thank you both so much, I didn't see your replies until just now - computer issues are such fun!

I appreciate both your comments very much. Most days everything is really ok, then some days it all comes sort of crashing down. Having people such as you all share just a few words of support helps a lot. Thank you both.

[Mary McManus]

Dear Erin - I did not see this post until today. Sending you love and prayers to heal your beautiful heart. God bless and it is a blessing to meet you in this wonderful space.

[Karl Martin]

Thanks for sharing these thoughts with us. I understand what you mean by not intending to be an inspiration to others, but sometimes you can be an inspiration by showing how to cope with such heartbreak without turning to anger or becoming resentful. It sounds to me that you have coped with these terrible tragedies in your life as best you could and the best that anyone could be expected to.

My hope for you is, that when difficult days occur, that they are not as painful as those of the past.

Karl