Birthday Memorial Ceremony

[Erin]

Eight months ago, my oldest son's closest friends lost their daughter to SIDS. I've lost 2 children but there is something about losing a child to SIDS that seems so... well, unfair. You tuck a happy healthy baby into bed one night, and the next morning you wake up to find that they have passed away while you slept. The unexpectedness is what gets me I guess.

Anyway, they're a young couple struggling check to check so I decided to hold a fundraiser and raise as much as I could to help with the final arrangements for their daughter. It wasn't enough to cover the whole cost, and it certainly wasn't enough to bring back their daughter, but it was enough to help, and that's what I'd wanted to do - same as people did for me when we lost Alexis, and again when we lost Nova.

Ever since then, this couple has kept in touch with us through my son and his wife - and so when they planned a birthday/memorial for what would have been their daughter's first birthday, we were invited.

I have to admit, I was dreading it. It's hard to go to a memorial service for a child and not bring up all the emotions from losing my own. I also know how hurt they'd have been if we didn't attend.So attend we did, with balloons, to take part in the balloon release.

We've done balloon releases over the years for our children too - but we have never invited anyone, so I wasn't sure exactly what to expect. When Mandy began to speak, and then to cry... *whew* but it was beautiful watching dozens of balloons rise, many with notes and/or little trinkets tied to them.

I'm glad we attended, despite having never met the child they lost. I'm glad we were there for Mandy and John and have been able to do what we have for/with them.

I've had people tell me that I inspire them because of how we've handled the loss of our children, and it never made sense to me. When you're "in it"all you know is that you're doing what you have to do to get through. But today, I was inspired by a young couple who, in their minds are just doing what they need to do to make it, but from out here, went through a lot of time and trouble to include a lot of people in what is one of the most personal experiences a couple can face, in order to keep their daughter's memory alive, and to continue to include her in their lives.


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[Jim Swanson]

Sometimes life deals us thigs that seem "unfair". But "fairness", unfortunately is not part of life itself. We become stronger willed and have our characters built when we're knocked down, but refuse to be knocked out. The true test of a person is the ability to get up, dust oneself off and move onward with conviction and a smile.
Thank you Daryn for what you do!

be well,
Jim Swanson

[Daryn Kagan]

Here's the thing...it's not that you just get through with all that life has handed you, it's how you continuously get back up on your feet, march forward and welcome life into your heart. That's the inspiration and the gift you bring to so many of us.
xo
Daryn.