Lessons I am learning, relearning, or have learned from recent events in my life

[Erin]

It's not you, really, it's me...

~ I thought I was past the "popularity contest" phase of life. I thought I was comfortable enough in my own skin (and really, I *like* my own skin these days) that other's perception (or misconception) of me didn't really matter. I was wrong, guess I need to work on that some more. Lesson re-learned, stop dealing with people who have over-active imaginations and then transfer their attitudes/opinions to me and make judgment calls based on their imaginary stories. Their truth is theirs, doesn't mean I have to live in it.

~ Running a community website like uc-nc.com is a LOT of work. But I love that I'm able to make a difference to people and businesses, even if it's only in small ways. It's worth the work for the satisfaction of providing a service.There is great satisfaction in living a life of service, even if you guys do think that makes me sound like a stupid bleeding heart liberal twit. And yes, I know that's how some people see it. S'ok.

~ When you are doing the right thing, and are confident in the fact that you're doing the right thing, there will always be people who see you as competition, or as a threat, even if you if you pose none at all. That is NOT my issue, it is theirs - and I need to let them own it and stop allowing it to make me do things based on what "they need me to do to stop seeing me that way."

~ I am a poet, and a waitress. The rest of this thing I'm doing... it's a new beginning, a huge opportunity, an incredible experience, and very likely a door to a new future, one I'd never even imagined before - but I am still a waitress and a poet: that base person is still there, and made/makes me what I am, and is the person that this possible new future is founded on. If I never write another poem, or wait another table, I cannot forget who I am - a simple person who is happy with very little, a lineor two jotted on a napkin between $5 tips. I am happy with a simple no-frills life, and therefore, mind-blowingly grateful and thrilled for everything 'extra' that comes along. It is not that I don't deserve wild successes, I do, and the harder I work, and the more I do, the more successful I may one day be - but I do not need that to be completely content with my life and myself, and I will not define myself based on those (potential) successes or failures. Success is how *I* define it for myself, not by how others define it for me.

~ I am ME. Yes, I'm a mother, and a wife, and a sister, and a daughter, and a friend, and a neighbor, as well as all those other roles I fill for others. But I am also more than that. I'm Erin, and Erin has needs and desires and expectations - opinions and ideas, thoughts and dreams and VALUE and that remains true, no matter what role I am, or am not, fulfilling for anyone else in any given moment. And it is Erin that I have to be happy with.

~ I have been struggling with "defining" myself lately,with all these crazy changes going on lately. I've had a hard time maintaining my ability to know, and say, that I am as important as whatever other thing is going on right then. I have found myself less frequently wanting to say no, but also less willing to say no when I need to. I have been out of balance, and I have to find that within myself again, or I'm going to go under, emotionally, physically, and right now, most of all, financially.

~ My life in this last year or so has changed and improved dramatically. *I* have changed and improved as a person, in big ways. My perception of the Universe has shifted so completely that I look back and wonder, "Gah, WTF was I thinking - WHO was that who did/said that thing?" For that I am grateful. I am thankful to every person in my past for every lesson I learned from them - I have reconciled within my own mind, many past wrongs, many past differences, let go of grudges and preconceived notions -- it isn't truth that matters, it is perception, and we each have a different truth that we perceive in any given moment. I have learned that it's perfectly fine if 2 (or 10) people in one situation each have their own completely different versions of the story - none of them have to be wrong.

~Babies come when they are ready. No matter how ill-prepared the parents may be. I have several children that prove that point. Hell, I think, now that I have 4 kids/stepkids that are adults, and several more coming along nicely - I might be ready to be a mom. Or, maybe I've passed my prime (which is exactly why kids come when they are ready, as opposed to when the parents are ready -it is the natural way of things.)

~Mocha lattes brought home on a whim by an incredible man are in my opinion, better than diamonds or roses.

[BD]

Bravo! Well said.