The Rules vs Path-of Least-Resistance

[Rene Syler]

When my daughter Casey was on the cusp of 3, she announced to me one day, in her toddler gibberish that she no longer wanted to wear diapers to bed. As I recall (and that was many, many brain cells ago) she had been out of diapers during the day for about 6 months or so but still wearing them at night. I told Buff and we left her wear her big girl panties to bed from then out. And guess what? Not ONE single wetting episode after that! At that moment in her young life, she was ready to take on that challenge.

Now, I had a number of mommy friends who were making themselves crazy over the whole potty training thing. They had some arbitrary number in their heads and were sticking to it. “ Joan will be out of diapers completely by the time she is 2 and a half.” They were either reading what was in the books and taking the average age as gospel, or in some perverse way, took the age at which their child was potty trained as a reflection on their parenting, not their bladder capacity!

It was then I adopted the Path-of-Least-Resistance parenting stlye. I knew Casey was not going to be going off to college with Huggies in her suitcase, so I just let it be. And sure enough she let go of them when she was ready.

Now the real reason for this post. My son Cole has been having some trouble at night. He’s restless in the evenings, scared in his room and wants me to rest with him every night. This has not been going on forever, maybe just in the last week. But Buff (The Hammer) is a rules kind of guy. So it is against “the rules” for Cole to, at 10 years old, need to cuddle and feel safe with his mom, or be afraid in his room.

“ Cole, mommy can’t sleep with you every night. You are 10 years old. This can’t happen every night.” Never mind the fact that I don't stay all night, this was 12:02 am and it DOESN’T happen every night, just the last few.

I am sure, as I was with Casey and the diapers, that Cole will pass through this phase, probably very soon. But for right now he needs me to be there for him, a sympathetic ear, someone to calm him down and dispel his fears.

You and I both know the time is coming, faster than I care to recognize, that he won’t need me. In fact, I may need HIM to calm MY fears and chase the boogiemen away.

So, this Path-of-Least-Resistant parent will continue on, the “rules” (not all of them, just some) be damned.

[Debra Stokes]

My daughters are now 26 and 29. I took the "Path-of-Least-Resistance" tactic in many instances. My husband was a rules guy as well. He often looked at me as if I'd thrown his putter in the toilet! "Why are you letting them get away with that??????" There are times when your motherwit just knows that this is not a battle to win or loose, but a period of growth and development that your child is experiencing. There are so few things that are exactly the same with kids or with adults for that matter. Just because my oldest daughter walked at 9 months and was "shootin' hoops" at her 1st birthday party didn't cause me to lament the passing of month 9 with my second child still crawling. Believe me THEY ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT! (Am I yelling?)

Anyway, when we shoot from the heart with our kids, we're always on target.

[Erin]

wow, my 11 yr old is going through a similar phase (I blame it on scary movies at Halloween, watched at a friends house) and I find myself being very "stick to the rules" about it. I've been feeling like he's "just too old for this nonsense"- thanks for reminding me that he's still just a little kid, and needs his mommy to chase of the imaginary monsters sometimes!